Ragamuffin Soul - Latest Comments in Ragamuffin Soul » What Does Depression Feel Like?

Re: Ragamuffin Soul » What Does Depression Feel Like?

djchuang — Thu, 30 Oct 2008 13:33:58 -0000

Yes, very hard to admit. No one needs more advice about having more faith or being more optimistic. What does it feel like? It feels bad, dark clouds hovering over your brain waves, like a boot lock on your expired parking space. Desparate for help. Depression and anxiety seem related to me, though of course, not identical.

As for getting past it? it's an on-going battle. I think not everyone gets deliverance. I have to try new tactics and strategies. Haven't found a magic bullet.

Re: Ragamuffin Soul » What Does Depression Feel Like?

soozieque — Sun, 26 Oct 2008 18:52:14 -0000

Ah, depression. My specialty. Sorry for commenting so late in the game. What works for me? Medication, and during this time of year a light box for light therapy due to seasonal affective disorder, and counseling. I've been on medication for a number of years and actually got a degree in college related to it, so when I get attacked by people who tell me that I'm depressed because I don't trust God enough or am sinning by taking the medication I just laugh. The way I see it, God made pharmacists. They made anti-depressants. Ergo- God had a hand in it. God doesn't want me to be a non-functional or walking around threatening suicide. I think He likes me just the way I am, even if that means 60mg of Cymbalta in the morning :-)

Re: Ragamuffin Soul » What Does Depression Feel Like?

Jessica — Sat, 25 Oct 2008 18:42:04 -0000

Also, thanks Los for posting on this. It helps reading everyones comments on their depression because I then don't feel like I am all alone in this battle and that I am crazy.

Re: Ragamuffin Soul » What Does Depression Feel Like?

Jessica — Sat, 25 Oct 2008 18:08:18 -0000

I couldn't read all the comments. I know that Jesse H and Stephanie said alot of what I feel. I have struggled with it off and on for years. Depression and anxiety and even bipolar run in my family. So, it is genetics, probably some chemical. I was told to take medicine once, but never have. I can tell you that I don't always deal with my depression very well. Right now, I am struggling with it big time. Lots of changes and stresses and I not in any kind of control. For me I feel lonely, abandoned, unloved, and hopeless. To deal with it I usually force myself to pray and pray and pray some more. Tonight I am forcing myself to visit a church I have never been to because I still haven't found a home church here. Honestly, all I want to do is hide in my room and cry. I have a hard time doing anything and motivation is almost nonexistent. Yet, I know that is what I am going through and I force myself to look to someone besides myself. It usually helps even if it takes a while to get out of it.

Re: Ragamuffin Soul » What Does Depression Feel Like?

mike — Sat, 25 Oct 2008 10:36:27 -0000

Have never been depressed, but anxiety has definitely surfaced. After pastoring the same church for 20 years and only having 75 in attendance you begin to wonder if things will ever change. Anxiety or worry over the future eventually becomes acute. However, four things have helped me over the hump: My wife believes in me to the max. I have an incredible staff member who has believed in me and encouraged me greatly. Steven Furtick's message at Catalyst was HUGE, can't say enough. And last but not least, Scripture and the belief that God still has a plan and a future for me.Hope that helps someone.

Re: Ragamuffin Soul » What Does Depression Feel Like?

Keeping it anonymous — Fri, 24 Oct 2008 23:53:50 -0000

IT DOESN'T FEEL. Good, bad, light, dark, it all becomes the same. You're numb. There's just nothing there. And feeling nothing is way more exhausting than feeling sad.

Re: Ragamuffin Soul » What Does Depression Feel Like?

hollybird — Fri, 24 Oct 2008 23:17:12 -0000

I'm a psychiatric nurse married to an associate pastor. I have worked to help those who struggle with depression, and I have been on the other side of the desk too. It's dark and lonely. You know that feeling when you are surrounded by people but you feel utterly alone? Well, to me, depression was like that constantly. It hurt.. emotionally, physically and spiritually. A little more than a year ago, I had hoarded enough pills to effectively commit suicide (being a psych nurse, I knew better than to do it halfway). I had a date and had written my goodbye letters. and then God intervened through the words of a counselor and the unconditional love of my husband. Healing from depression is always a miracle. Sometimes God chooses to work instantly, and sometimes He works it out little by little through counseling and medication therapy. We need to be more open with these struggles and combat the stigma against it.
thanks for opening this discussion!

Re: Ragamuffin Soul » What Does Depression Feel Like?

Cheryl — Fri, 24 Oct 2008 20:53:00 -0000

Denying the existence of true physical depression and telling someone who's brain is not making enough of a certain chemical that it "is all of el diablo" as Mackenie has done above is nothing short of spiritual abuse.

Our brains produce chemicals that we need to maintain health. If your brain doesn't regulate those chemicals appropriately you have problems.

It is because of comments like the one above that so many in the church suffer in silence.

Re: Ragamuffin Soul » What Does Depression Feel Like?

Brandy — Fri, 24 Oct 2008 20:48:36 -0000

Depression for me comes when I fall back into believing all the things Satan tells me about myself. Rooted in childhood, showing up in adulthood. It feels like I can't think, can't speak well, just want to be left alone and sleep and cry. Feels like I could easily run away to a far away city and just hole up in a hotel. Feels like I understand why people start drinking and using drugs- anything to make this feeling stop. It's like I KNOW the things that will help me feel better, but I just can't make myself do them.
Added to this is that I am terrified that if I take meds, I will have to admit that I need them forever. And I am also really scared that I won't be allowed to adopt from certain countries...so I battle it with the help of friends, my husband, laughter, exercise, sheer willpower, the Word and Dr Pepper.

Re: Ragamuffin Soul » What Does Depression Feel Like?

Michelle Veach — Fri, 24 Oct 2008 17:55:54 -0000

just started on meds myself...long story about a church that will be unable to support/guarantee a salary by years end, my job keeps changing things up on me, and God has yet to reveal what He has in store for us...for me, its having a VERY short fuse with my boys, who have nothing to do with any of the situations - yet are feeling the fallout of mommy and daddy being stressed and depressed. God has provided a Christian md who understands and didn't hesitate to offer medicinal assistance for me as well as his prayers.

Re: Ragamuffin Soul » What Does Depression Feel Like?

Tim Holman — Fri, 24 Oct 2008 17:21:37 -0000

Man I am a little bit of both right now. My wife and I are 9 months onto a church plant and our conference can no longer support us. We tried to raise the money through individual churches but were unsuccessful. I have no job and the prospective places I am talking to don't want to hire until the new year. Did I mention that our last support check came in August. Pray for me.

Re: Ragamuffin Soul » What Does Depression Feel Like?

drew — Fri, 24 Oct 2008 16:31:24 -0000

Depression is tossing awake in the early, early hours with your mind rambling at 100MPH and not being able to turn it off.

Depression is when you finally get out of bed, but it took every ounce of energy because you know that the mornings are the worst part of your day. Just when you start to wonder how the hell you mood could feel any more helpless, the busyness of getting a family out the door kicks in.

You move through your day on auto-pilot not quite sure what or how it all happened. You're numb emotionally because the smallest obstacles and annoyances in life either make you want to fly off the handle or cry, so sometimes it's best if you just shut down and try to ignore everything. Which really, really sucks for your family.

Depression is a pit that you cannot see out of and sometimes suicide makes sense which is pretty damned scary and sucks really really bad.

By God's grace a ladder was extended down into my pit and I made my way back out. Sometimes I look down into that pit and wonder how I can make use of the second chance that Jesus gave me.

Re: Ragamuffin Soul » What Does Depression Feel Like?

drew — Fri, 24 Oct 2008 16:31:24 -0000

Depression is tossing awake in the early, early hours with your mind rambling at 100MPH and not being able to turn it off.

Depression is a pit that you cannot see out of and sometimes suicide makes sense which is pretty damned scary and sucks really really bad.

By God's grace a ladder was extended down into my pit and I made my way back out. Sometimes I look down into that pit and wonder how I can make use of the second chance that Jesus gave me.

Re: Ragamuffin Soul » What Does Depression Feel Like?

andira — Fri, 24 Oct 2008 16:24:21 -0000

Depression feels like void. It feels like no one really cares and that there is no purpose for you. It feels like everything you do is wrong. It feels like heartache that won't go away--ever. And when you realize (after several cycles of this) that you are in the middle of depression, you hate yourself for allowing it back in your life. Depression stunts growth, represses passion, harbors fears, and disables effectiveness.

I've been there, more times than I can even recall. Right now? It has no hold on my life. Could it return? Maybe. Have I learned how to work through the first stages of it? (when I am aware) Yes.

Once it takes hold, it's a mighty fight. I've never done the medicine thing, though...to be honest once it took hold, I almost didn't want it to go away. It got to the point where I didn't care about ANYTHING. Not even being restored. That is a dangerous place.

Now I share about it with people, hoping maybe someone else who struggles with this will not lose hope or get to that place. There IS a way through it; it does not have to control you forever.

Re: Ragamuffin Soul » What Does Depression Feel Like?

Aaron — Fri, 24 Oct 2008 16:15:59 -0000

Depression and anxiety feel like the weight of the world pressing down on you and sucking the breath out of you all at the same time. Anxiety has made me feel like I was about to die of a heart attack. Depression generally just makes my entire body hurt and makes me just want to curl up and sleep. I just want to shut the world out.

I think that depression is not easy for anyone to talk about... but especially men. I have really had to turn to God on this stuff and really work through it. I have been going to counseling for over a year now and also been telling my friends about where I am at and asking for prayer. I have had to decide to make myself get out of the house and socialize even if it is the last thing I want to do... that helps me escape Satan's lies and attempts to isolate me from my support systems.

Ministry can take a toll cause it oftens makes you feel less than adequate and that you must put on a "good" face and act like everything is great... which leads you further into the depression and anxiety if you ask me.

Re: Ragamuffin Soul » What Does Depression Feel Like?

michael — Fri, 24 Oct 2008 11:14:20 -0000

I have there with depression.. had to check myself in to the hospital, that was almost 12 years ago.. for those of you who have neve been there its just not a snap out of it thing, its real, its there, and it is powerful, I watch for the signs, the overwhleming anxiety that leads to the attaack.. and i have not a major episode in 12 years.. but if I let my guard down It circles, ready to attack.. and , yes, I believe that depression and anxiety is a player in spiritual warfare, looking to steal our joy.. to seperate us from life and love..and you have got meet the evil one toe to toe, in the name of Jesus..tough stuff

Re: Ragamuffin Soul » What Does Depression Feel Like?

bradley — Fri, 24 Oct 2008 11:03:22 -0000

As a new lead pastor I can see how depression and anxiety creeps into a pastors life. There is immense pressure the leader feels to make the right decision, act right, dress right and be who the church hired him to be. There is a constant magnifying glass on his life and the life of the leadership at the church.
After preaching on a sunday I feel like I've been kicked in the "chenis" and feel very vulnerable. The next day could be the most "depressing" day of the week and if not watched, could pour over into two days, three days ... a life.

Re: Ragamuffin Soul » What Does Depression Feel Like?

karen — Fri, 24 Oct 2008 09:28:33 -0000

Wow. So many stories. Mine is that I have been in a verbally and emotionally abusive marriage for 20 years. The strategies and survival tricks one has to do in one's mind to live in this are exhausting and take a toll on the spirit. I am being freed from that now, but I am using medication to help with the indescribable sadness. I have been depressed for a long time. My main concern is for my children. I feel for all the people on here who are sharing their hearts. God help us all.

Re: Ragamuffin Soul » What Does Depression Feel Like?

Ethan — Fri, 24 Oct 2008 08:52:43 -0000

For me depression is not something that came and went. When I was a teenager I had a very difficult 4 year bout of deep depression It was a weight I could not remove like being trapped under something heavy in a pitch black room. I attribute most of this to the environment in which I was raised, I won’t go into detail but let's just say it sucked. But it was that downward spiral where I almost ended my life. Even after giving my life to Jesus the depression didn't go away. It's something I live with everyday. Although I've tried to hide it and over 20 years later I still do. But the good news is that as I grow older I have found ways to fight it and while it has never gone completely away it is fewer and farther between, and less in intensity. The secrete to survival is God's love found in community. And because of this I have been able to step out and do things I never thought I would be able to do.

We are not in it alone

Re: Ragamuffin Soul » What Does Depression Feel Like?

Tammy Marcelain — Fri, 24 Oct 2008 07:40:43 -0000

I went through a season of what I called depression last year. My son had been going through treatments for a brain tumor for 2 years and the last treatment had necessitated the use of steroids which totally changed everything about him, the hardest being his personality. He became withdrawn and reclusive. The previous 2 years had been difficult, but nothing like this. I had allowed doubts about God to seep in, and felt lost. I tried to "get out" of the depression, was in scripture, singing praises, focusing on blessings, but I couldn't do it. I had been praying for God to help me, and then one day I met a woman who took one look at me and said, "you are covered in oppression." She asked if she could pray over me and I welcomed it, she prayed for about 20 minutes, God revealed to her that I was struggling with faith and belief in Him. After her prayers I was aware of what I needed to be praying for myself, increase in belief. Which is why I love the scripture of the dad who prays, I do believe, help me with my unbelief, as that was me too. I walked away from that chance meeting that day with a new sense of hope, there was a sharpness and light where everything had been foggy and dark.
In my case I had allowed the enemy to steal my joy, fill me with fear and I was not holding up my shield of faith to repel the flaming darts he was continually sending my way. So for me, I thought I was struggling with depression, but it was really oppression, and prayer worked.

Re: Ragamuffin Soul » What Does Depression Feel Like?

supersimbo — Fri, 24 Oct 2008 05:50:14 -0000

anxiety, from about 12 years old, when i shifted schools. It has left me alone for long periods and then crept back up on me when i am at my weakest

unable to be in crowds, fear of any kind of travelling, cars planes boats etc, fear of being sick, i could go on and on................

Re: Ragamuffin Soul » What Does Depression Feel Like?

er — Fri, 24 Oct 2008 05:18:52 -0000

it can kill. how i deal with it? i read your blog. And pray, pray, pray.

Re: Ragamuffin Soul » What Does Depression Feel Like?

er — Fri, 24 Oct 2008 05:15:51 -0000

it can kill. how i deal with it? i read your blog.

Re: Ragamuffin Soul » What Does Depression Feel Like?

pinkcamojeep — Fri, 24 Oct 2008 04:56:13 -0000

This is such a timely topic to talk about. We just past the summer equinox on September 22nd. (The equinox happens twice a year. Around mid September and mid March, we have the two days of the year when the night and day are close to equal in length.) So, right now, we're on our way to the day that is the shortest of the year, or the solstice (December 21).

If God created everything to have an order and we see that many or most animals rest or hibernate during the days of shorter sunlight days(the winter), why do people seem to think that we are eliminated from that equation. Watch your natural energy patterns. They are probably cyclic. There are other outside influences (like a death or divorce memory that brings you down annually), but it just makes sense that we would feel foggy, bogged down or slow during the winter months.
The sun is the key factor here. Some people have much more trouble (seasonal affective disorder)than others. People in the north get outside much less than the southerners, so they're even more influenced. It's just so important that we do what we can to naturally help ourselves - get outside in the sunshine (even 15 minutes a day helps), exercise (a brisk 15 minute walk outside can do wonders) and make sure you get extra rest in the winter. These are the LAST things that you'll want to do, but they really do help.

It took me years and years to figure out why winter was so hard for me. It's not because of Thanksgiving/Christmas holiday pressure and let down afterward that people talk about. It's because I'm a living being that God created with a cycle of needed rest.

So, I really struggle in winter, but at least I understand WHY.

Re: Ragamuffin Soul » What Does Depression Feel Like?

Nicole L — Fri, 24 Oct 2008 00:38:23 -0000

I've struggled with bouts of depression since middle school. But it didnt get so bad that it started affecting how I was functioning at work/school until 2 years ago.

I went on prozac for a little while, but it just made me apathetic which was almost worse than being depressed, so I took myself off of it.

Right now I'm a part of a clinical trial at Vanderbilt University that is studying depression medication. If you are interested in learning more about the study I am in or following how I'm doing I have a blog I'm using to track things to remember them for my weekly clinic visits. And also to just record the entire process.

http://guineapigme.blogspot...